D– Denial E- Enrage A-Acknowledgement & Adjustment T–Torment
‘Time heals’…is what everyone said to me, when I lost my Dad. It didn’t feel that way even after months of missing and aching for him. I thought I was actually getting there- feeling myself again. However, after the 1st anniversary of his death, the pain and memories came floating back, ever so strong. Just when you think that it is getting easier, the mind and heart takes over your thoughts. This stage is actually the 4th one- which I explained in my last blog- that I call TORMENT. Remember that this is just the healing curve, one goes through. It doesn’t last too long. When you feeling floods of heartache, just remember to follow the tips I suggested, so that the pain subsides with ease and your healing continues.
When you pass the torment stage, then you have finally survived grieving. Although you’ve experienced the greatest loss, you tapped into your inner strength and learnt so much about yourself and how your heart mends, with the power of a positive mind-set. You should feel really proud of yourself. You found new ways of living life without your loved one. You may have been bruised by the pain you went through, but you survived. You are now climbing back up your spiral of life even though the death you have experienced added to your emotional baggage.
You have been using the pain to do great work and service in the community to remember your loved one that you lost. You have taken their light, their energies and spread it into your community. This is such a special healing pattern to imbibe. You are starting to find your peace again because you found new positive ways to exist. Don’ fret if you have odd days of tears or sadness especially on special days, where you miss the person you have lost. Don’t ever think that you will never get back to your normal self again. That feeling is just temporary.
You have created new routines, and you seem like you are back on track with yourself. Remember it is OK to feel like your normal self again. It doesn’t mean that the memories of your loved one is fading, it just means that you now have them watching over you and they have become your guiding light. You feel at peace with yourself.
So what could you do to continue feeling this way:
- Appreciate their videos and pictures by looking at them daily and smile. Feel their energy all around you, when you recall memories or talk about them.
- It’s time to put yourself first again- exercise, yoga and meditation will help you build your calm zone.
- Make service and charity in the community a regular practice; Helping others, helps you heal.
- Take your family on a vacation. A new scenery, makes you high spirited and brings in new memories of happiness. It can hurt a little bit especially if you are going on your first holiday without your loved one. But they are there, with you, in spirit.
- The bereavement therapy that you might have had earlier on in your grieving stages, has definitely helped you see your loss in a different way. Remember you are not alone. Tap into the support that you have.
- Have that music playlist of happy, soulful songs. Music has healing energies.
- Make time for yourself- After a few years, your peace and HARMONY would have made you realise that you are a survivor. You might even want to start dating again. Don’t feel guilty; you deserve to be happy and have someone to love you again.
Your loved one, whom you’ve lost, will always live in your heart and thoughts through your memories. Cherish them. Healing is a powerful bi-product of your inner strength. Be proud of your journey and how you have coped, whilst coming through the other end of a painful loss.
If you need a listening ear or you are stuck on a stage of grieving that stops you from living your life, please feel free to contact me. Your loved one wants you to be happy again.
Keep smiling and loving
Just Simply Change